A Little Bit About Me
Talking about oneself is less than fun.
Here it goes.
I went to college like everyone else. I studied psychology, the human mind is incredibly complex and the power it holds over us in shaping our world is fascinating. But being on campus was poison for my religion, witnessing fawahish daily for two years was blackening my heart and I was becoming desensitized to all types of immorality. I had a side job at the time at a real estate office and it was even worse than campus. I had to work with older men and they treated me and the younger girls there like we couldn't hear anything they were saying. So one day, I decided this wasn't for me anymore. I wasn't happy at all. I needed something more meaningful in my life. I left campus, l went to work, quit my job, put the hijab and niqab on in one go and started studying Islam. I sat with the salafiyya and I studied with them for 3 years. I learnt a lot by the grace of Allah but I was arrogant and terrible. Every group and everyone that was different than me became a deviant in my eyes. My Lord had mercy on me and he brought to me the people of the inward. I learnt from them and my pain and arrogance vanished. My heart was finally quenched. Ah, how good it felt. How good it feels. I am still learning from them today. There is no one more pure of heart than the people of the inward and hearing their thoughts makes one forget about the dunya and you feel like you have transcended into some other realm.
I love seeking knowledge. I love fiqh. I love the science of the inward. I love Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi salaam who was the master of both and the king of justice. Having the opportunity to be with him in the next life is something I am really looking forward to; being able to hug him, having tears pour down your cheeks and having him understand all your pain is like all the comfort you didn't get in this world, you get at that one moment. Subhan Allah.
I am continuing my studies, alhamdullilah. I am doing alimah, it's 5 years long, it's online and only for girls. Having women get together all over the world to learn about Allah, His book, His laws and His Messenger gives me peace of mind. But seeking knowledge is a life long journey. I never want to stop. If I am not seeking knowledge under an institution, I love reading on my own. If I am not quenching for sacred knowledge, I am quenching for the dunya and if I'm quenching for the dunya, then the hole in my heart will be crying to be filled with Allah.
As far as my characteristics, I believe strongly in being fair. I am kind to everyone and character is something that I give the utmost value. I am naturally a submissive woman, soft spoken, reserved, nurturing, understanding and traditional. I am not a pushover or clingy, I will give you more space than you need so you can miss me. I hate yelling. If I'm upset with youI need space until you come find me and make things better. I don't get angry, I am not emotional, but I pay close attention to how people are feeling so I don't accidentally harm them. I don't have any desire to compete with you, debate with you, or do what you do. I do want a dominant/ submissive relationship with my husband. He should lead, he should make the decisions but he should also be gentle and understanding not just with me, but with everyone.
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What I Am Looking For
I originally had a lot written here but I will keep it brief:
These are the qualities I look for:
1. Religiosity (a combination of implementing both the outward and inward sciences, not just the outward (fiqh) while neglecting the inward (good character), as the one who does that is just a shell, lacking pearls.
2. Stoic
3. Dominant
4. Has a job or is in school
5. We should be physically attracted to one another but I'm not picky. If you fear Allah, are stoic, dominant and polite, most of the attraction will come from that.
6. Does not want to practice polygny or live with in laws (we can have the most fun by ourselves, this is not to be taken inappropriately)
7. Is okay with traditional gender roles, me taking care of the work in the home, and him taking care of the work outside of the home
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